I am on episode eight of Iron Fist, and with each successive hour that has gone by, I grow more and more frustrated, wondering what the hell happened to the (previously fantastic) Marvel on Netflix brand.
This is a CW show, y'all! It's like a really well produced version of Flash, or Arrow. There is nothing innately interesting or compelling about the main story line. Privileged white boy suffers trauma, returns to his old life and is still a privileged white boy. He's got money, AND a fist that can punch through anything! That's cool, right?!
*That last sentence is a perfect example of why I need a sarcasm font.*
Seriously? He's a glow worm?
Danny Rand is like Bruce Wayne, only without the brilliant mind and the emotional complexity. We love Batman because he is a mortal in a world of Gods, and he holds his own. We love Batman because he is not simple or straightforward, and his moral agonies, self-doubt, and personal struggles resonate deep within us. In the end, we love Batman for his flaws and his weakness, and we forgive him for being a wealthy playboy. We all know that's just a facade.
But Danny Rand--ugh. I don't even know where to start. First of all, he's got super powers. It's not enough that he's rich, he's also the IRON FIST (and oh god, Netflix really needs to come up with another way of saying that. Matt Murdock would not have been nearly as cool if everyone kept calling him "Daredevil" instead of "the Devil of Hell's Kitchen.") And thus far, his explanation for why he was able to become the Iron Fist seems to be "I heard about it, thought it was a cool job, and decided I wanted it. And I always get what I want."
Are you fucking kidding me? I DIDN'T KNOW WHITE BOY PRIVILEGE EXTENDED TO ANCIENT EASTERN HEAVEN KINGDOMS, TOO!!!!!
The Dude Bro of K'un-Lun
Second, his moral agonies hold no ring of truth to them. I suppose they could, if the show had done a better job convincing us that he's a man with a singular goal in life, and that anything that takes him from that goal rips him apart inside. In order to do that, however, they'd have to change the entire story line. We've been presented with an Iron Fist that has one purpose--to protect K'un-Lun from the Hand, right? And he worked super hard to get that job, right? Because he wanted it so badly? But, of course, as soon as the way opened back up he split immediately to go back to his old life, because really he just wanted a way to pass the time for fifteen years, and now that he can leave he's gonna do that.
If they'd had him sent forth on purpose to find the Hand, it would play differently. If he'd accidentally strayed outside K'un-Lun and been unable to find his way back, again, it would have played differently. But frankly it's hard to believe his commitment to being the Iron Fist, because he buggered off the very first chance he got!
After, of course, pulling a spoiled white boy routine and demanding the job in the first place.
God this kid irritates me.
So, yeah, I don't buy that it's agonizing for him to choose to save a girl's life over killing a member of the Hand. And the whole hesitant romance thing bugs the hell out of me. The awkward, "not sure how to do this" thing--that I get and even kind of like. But the "I took a vow of celibacy" thing could have been way more interesting, and they just blew that all to hell.
Joy and Ward and Howard bore me to tears. They are like caricatures of people I don't give a shit about, which makes them doubly worthless.
And this brings us, of course, to Colleen Wing.
Why couldn't SHE have been the Iron Fist?
I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I think "Daughter of the Dragon" is a WAAAAAAAAY better fighting name. But, you know, if we gotta have a Iron Fist in the Defenders, cause it's cannon, why didn't they chuck out this shitty story and rewrite it from scratch?
Colleen Wing is COOL. She has a code, and we understand and respect it, and she also has a love of the fight, which conflicts with her code, and we understand THAT, too. She is incredibly bad ass, and has the potential for a depth of character that so far NONE of the other characters in the show have displayed. Also, she's got some MAD hoodie game. I envy her wardrobe. I really do.
As far as I can tell, the only thing this show's protagonist has going for him is how incredibly hot he is. I will not lie. He is smoking hot. You could probably crack walnuts on his butt. There are lots of hot men out there, though, and he's not even doing the salmon ladder for me. So, really, what's the point?
I mean, he's not even shirtless.
Netflix, you have failed this brand. Do better next time.
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