Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Flash, Why Do You Suck At Romance?

Ehhhhhhhhhhh...

I'm kinda bored.  Like, skipped commentary on a whole episode kind of bored.  I can sum it up as follows:  still enjoying Draco Malfoy, that Jesse Quick drama was completely stupid, and Barry and Iris are boring me to tears.  Bad dates are not fun to watch unless you amp up the comedy considerably. 

I still love you, Flash, but please, please don't do this to me. 

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!!!!  Oh my god.  All is forgiven.  Even your dumbass timeline realignment!!!!  Because this let's Captain Cold come back to Flash!!!

 Oh Lenny, I miss you so.

Wait, no... this is a flashback.  DAMNIT.  GIVE ME SNART BACK.

*I*cannot*take*the*stupid*
LOOK.  If your experience with the alternate dimensions should have taught you anything, it is that not all doppelgangers are created equal.  You're just gonna go FISHING FOR A WELLS?  And hope it works out?  What if you catch evil Wells by accident? 

THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND YOU ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE.

I mean, obviously I want Tom Cavanagh to stay on the show.  But it's still a stupid plot device.

Joe.  Joe.  Joe.  That nice lady likes you.  You might consider giving her your digits.

"Staying in."  Code everywhere for "getting straight to the sex."  Nice job, guys.  

Okay, so, I kinda see Iris's point.  I mean, if you're gonna kiss someone, you probably ought to be willing to do it in front of other people.  I mean, not like, non-stop, but the fact that you kiss this person should probably not be a thing you feel compelled to hide.
On the other hand, that is totally her dad, and I mostly choose not to make out in front of my dad, so I'm not entirely sure why she thinks she and Barry should...
On the OTHER hand, this ridiculous nonsense led to my favorite charmingly awkward scene thus far, so I'm totally cool with it.  Watching Barry and Joe discuss the Iris "situation" is the best.  Carry on writers.

OH LOOK, WE'RE BACK WITH THE STUPIDEST IDEA IN MANY, MANY UNIVERSES.   

Seriously.  How do people who are so smart keep doing shit that is so FREAKING DUMB?

All you are ensuring is that you're gonna catch someone smart.  NOT SOMEONE GOOD.

"I care for you, too, you jackwagon."  

Oh Hardass, why must you leave us?  I do not want another Wells, you are my favorite.  Who else will torment Cisco so?  Yours is not just the bromance we want, it is the bromance we NEED.

You'll pick a good movie?  No!  NO!  Why do you need a good movie when you're just gonna bang?

You know, Barry's right.  For people with so many reflective surfaces around them, y'all are awfully blase about this new meta.







Oh my goodness gracious.  I hate this plan, but I could watch them interview alternate Wells forever.

Yeah.  He went through a reflective surface.  WHY Y'ALL LOOK SO SURPRISED? 

You know I love Cisco, but Top is a terrible name.  Like, super awful.  It's barely relevant to her powers, and 100% contrary to the obvious relationship dynamic she's got going with Mr Vanity.

And there we have it folks, yet another awkward pivot to making out. 

 I hadn't realized kissing was a "no bodily contact" kind of event.

FLASH, WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT ROMANCE?
Seriously. 
Iris and Eddie?  Painful
Cisco and Snart's Sister?  Ouch.
Caitlin and Jay?  Terrible.
Barry and Iris?  Super Awkward.
Wally and Jesse?  The Mini-Me of Super Awkward.

About the only real chemistry on the show was between Barry and Patty.  AND SHE'S GONE.  How can you write humor so well, and be so bad at writing love?

Awww, Hardass got his feelings hurt.  I mean, I don't blame him.  Also, I love him so much and I just want him to stay on the show.  But given that this was his idea, it's a leeeeetle silly for him to be butt hurt about it now.

Caitlin, I am still waiting on that black leather bustier.  

I call this screencap "The Love Triangle"

Two Wells... the mind boggles with the possibilities. 
I mean.  I don't want to speak for you.
But my mind certainly boggles.
I've got possibilities for DAYS over here.

You know the real reason Joe's kicking Barry out.  It's so he, too, can have his own awkward makeout scenes with the hot DA on the couch.
I mean, he doesn't want to be left out.
Awkward makeouts are apparently mandatory for all Flash Characters.

YAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!!





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