DC, in an effort to pull itself out of the Dark Ages, is finally marketing Heroes to small feminine people. Yeah, they've got that terrible show which will henceforth be anathema to me, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this:
Oh ye gods, the SPANDEX
For a larger version, click here
That's right, gentlefolk. I'm talking about DC Super Hero Girls. The latest toy marketing scheme intended to coax your children who like ladies into dropping a load of your hard earned cash at the nearest retail outlet. Yes, there are loads of issues with it. And yes, the bottom dollar is, as always, the final end goal. But today I am not here to make complaints.
Today, I am here to--cautiously--express a certain amount of approval.
Take a look at that picture up there. Seven super females, and not a single one of them is wearing a high-cut leotard. Most of them, in fact, are sporting pants. Supergirl's mini-skirt is a decent length, and Ivy's even got leggings on under her skirt. I'm not going to go so far as to call them practically dressed, but it's a damn sight better than your typical Super Lady get-up.
I mean, come on! They're wearing FLATS!!! Boots, sneakers... Not a heel among them. The least practical shoe up there is Ivy, and ballet slippers are perfectly fine for moving in, even if they don't provide the same protection for your toes when you're kicking something in the ass.
And the toys? Well, I was out the other day, and spotted this end display:
Does anyone else think when they're all turned to the right like that they
look like they're doing some sort of odd line dance?
I've been really skeptical of these products. After all, they took ponies and made them hyper-feminine, if they can do that they can do anything, and I was scared of what we would be getting here. Still... it's not bad.
Yes, their heads are still stupidly big. And, for some disappointing reason, they've chosen to give them sneaker heels in the toy version. But, I gotta say, as a step up from your typical fashion doll, this is pretty good.
For reference, here are a few examples of toys from another "High School Girls" toy marketing line.
Okay, look. Their heads? They're like... three times the size of a normal head. Maybe four. And it really makes you wonder how they don't snap their own ridiculously thin necks under all that weight. Check out the one on the left. Toothpicks. The girl is teetering around on toothpicks. I'm willing to let the transparent skirts go, because apparently this is the "beach" line, but then why on earth are they wearing stripper heels? How are STRIPPER HEELS a reasonable footwear option on the sand?!?!?!
*deep breaths*
Right, anyway, with that in mind, take a gander at the DC Super Hero Girls.
Wonder Woman, SG, and Harley
Heads still too big? Sure. But only twice as big. And while their necks are by no means burly, they do not appear to be too small to actually contain a spinal column, so that's great. If you check out Harley's right arm, you can see something that really pleases me; all the girls have muscle definition. And their legs? Still thin, but there are thigh bulges and calf bulges that indicate actual muscle. And check this out!!!
BEE HAS A BOOTY!!!
That's right, folks. It's not big, but at least one of our girls has a little bit of junk in her trunk.
So, final verdict? I'm pleased with the toys, but kind of sad all the same. I have to be pleased, because they're such a vast improvement over what came before. But it kind of hurts that what came before is so egregiously terrible that even a nod to normal physiology can make me this happy.
Good job, toy industry, but don't stop there. Someone get me a toy version of Faith. Then I'll be satisfied.
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