Find me someone on the writing team, so I can stab them with my hate spike.
What am I angry about, you ask? Is it Bary's constant sighs and pouty looks? Nah. He's lost his powers. He gets to mourn a little.
You go right ahead, honey.
Is it the incredibly random about-face that Jessie pulled as soon as Hardass was taken? "Oh, no, I hate you, I'll never forgive you! What? Daddy's missing? I'm coming, Daddy!"
Nope, not that either. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's irritating AF, and under normal circumstance I would have a lot to say about it, but today I'm gonna let it slide.
Let's all just let Hardass have a few moments of happiness, mkay?
Is it that Danielle Panabaker has apparently taken villain lessons from Captain Cold, and delivers her Killer Frost lines as though she were channeling Leonard Snart? Nope. Not even that egregious performance plagiarism is what is bothering me at the moment.
All the cool villains drawl.
No, it's not about any of that. This is about Caitlin.
Let me pause and gnash my teeth in rage for a moment.
Let's be clear, Caitlin started as an actual character. She was cute, and quirky, and brilliant, and a vital member of their crime solving team. She was sad because she'd lost her fiance, but she was strong, and she both had a brain and was a integral part of the show.
Oh, actual developed character. How I miss you.
Then season two came.
First Caitlin lost anything even vaguely resembling a character. She was nothing but a placeholder--a grieving widow who was apparently reverting back to her Catholic School Girl Days. I suppose some might have found it cute (I know those demure collars work for some people) but she wasn't quirky anymore, and she wasn't brilliant. She was dull. Solutions never came from her--they came from Cisco, or Wells, or Barry. She no longer contributed to the crime fighting. She just lingered in misery, like a waifish ghost of what had once been a real person.
We all remember this, right?
Then Jay came, and she changed again. Gone were the school girl clothes. Instead she started vamping it up. There were plunging V-necks and tight skirts, and her hair--my god, what the fuck did they do to her hair?
Is that a red leather skirt?
If you recall I took issue with this a while ago. Caitlin, I pointed out, seemed to have become nothing more than a reflection of the male gaze that was being laid upon her. I disapproved. I disapproved mightily.
But now... I have moved out of the realm of disapproval, and into scowling fury.
It was bad enough to watch that insipid love story take place. I mean, if they wanted us to care that Jay turned out to be Zoom, they really should have invested more time in him being one of the gang. They should have made us want that relationship to work. Then they should have had him kill a side character we really liked. That would have been some Joss Whedon level shit. It would have been impactful.
Impactful, if you were wondering, is basically the exact opposite of this.
But no. Instead we get a lackluster kiss under mistletoe, some truly awkward moments in formal wear, and Jay killing his own freaking doppleganger which we stopped caring about the moment we realized he was a betrayer.
So much awkward.
We don't care that it didn't work out with Caitlin because the plot never made us care. And we really don't even care about Caitlin herself all that much anymore either, because any sympathy we had for her was squandered by a season of her being a Milquetoast.
All that was bad enough.
But now, like some bizarre parody of Dudley Doo-right, Caitlin has been kidnapped by a villain who, while claiming to be in love with her, is also so twisted and evil that he is terrorizing and tormenting her. Zoom has become the new Snidely Whiplash, Caitlin is our Nell Fenwick, and now all we need is our scarlet clad hero to come save the day. You know, there's a trestle outside Zoom's cave. Maybe he could tie Caitlin to it while a train is coming.
BECAUSE WHAT WE REALLY NEED MORE OF ARE MOTHER-FUCKING DAMSELS IN DISTRESS.
Why, writers? Why? I mean, first of all, aren't you doubling down a little hard on the whole "close person in need of rescue angle?" You already had Wally get taken by Zoom. Now Caitlin? (Plus, the side plot of this episode was a Wells abduction.) CAN YOU NOT THINK OF ANY OTHER PLOT DEVICES?
But beyond the tedium and the predictable nature of such a move, I'm pissed off at the giant leap backwards for women that Caitlin has taken this season. From active, interesting, clever character to boring plot piece whose sole use is to motivate men--both hero and villain. Jesus, all this scenario needs now is him dragging her to the altar for a forced marriage to achieve maximum suckitude.
Cause it doesn't get much more rapey than chaining someone to a bed non-consensually.
Listen. Flash writers. I get that plot is hard. I'm a writer myself. Plot can really be difficult. But you've got to try a little harder. And it would be nice if you gave women their own arcs that didn't revolve around some man loving them or rescuing them. Just saying.
Oh, and one more thing. I swear to god, if you end this all with Caitlin saving him with the power of her love, like her only purpose in life is to be the moral compass for a lost and broken man, I will find you, and I will stab you.
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