Arrow: The One Where I Get Derailed About Hamburgers

Now, where was I?

Oh, right...

no, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOO!

 Oh, the sadness...

Okay, so, since it can't possibly be Felicity, who else would Oliver react that way for?  It has to be a woman, because Oliver is a good old-fashioned sexist who doesn't like it when men die, but also doesn't take it all that personally.  So... a woman.  One he knows, and cares about.  And Speedy--as a character--is far too much a part of the greater Arrow world for Thea to be the one who bites it.  So is Black Canary.  And White Canary is slated to be part of a spin-off.  Who does that leave us?  My money is on Felicity's mom.  I mean, it could be John's wife, but I don't think so.  I think Oliver's perky new mother-in-law is going to be the latest in the long line of "women who die to give Oliver purpose." 

Sorry, Captain Lance. 

Oliver, you jackass.  Go see your woman before she goes under the knife.

And we're BACK on the Island.  I'm just gonna take a little nap.  Someone wake me up when it's over.

WHAT?  I thought he was bailing on seeing her cause she was still unconscious.  She's AWAKE?  And you're gonna STAY THERE?  Oh my god, Oliver, if you were a real person I would slap you upside the head until you got some sense knocked into you.

Oh, that's cold, Oliver.  Send a man down to beat his own brother into talking?  I mean, no matter how much of a dick the brother's being... That's still cold.

Laurel, you gotta do me a favor.  You gotta eat a hamburger--maybe four or five hamburgers--and then go do some squats.  Because you have the skinniest damn legs I have ever seen on anyone, in my entire life, and if you actually tried to kick someone with one of those matchsticks they would BREAK RIGHT OFF.  Ain't no one gonna believe you actually kick ass with those things. 

 Not inspiring confidence in your roundhouse.

Look, I'm not trying to body-hate on any woman.  But this girl has gotten seriously skinny since Season 1, and it isn't healthy, nor is it a good role model for the girls who watch this show.  I aim to always be lighthearted and whatnot,  but every once in a while you gotta make a point:  Yon actress needs to eat more, and if there's a disorder in play then she needs treatment.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled nonsense.

You know, John, they have some remarkable drugs now.  Some of which will make you babble your head off.  You might try giving him some of those.  I mean, if the punching him thing starts to get old.

Has anyone else noticed that when Thea gets upset, she talks with her mouth closed the whole time?  Like, the whole time.  It's remarkable the enunciation she gets without ever parting her teeth.

Oh my god, Laurel was reasonable about the whole parental relationship thing!  It's like she temporarily joined another show, one where people are adult and reasonable about things.

HAH!  Hidden machine guns in the walls.  That was classic.  Very comic-y.  I like it.

Awww... that evil, creepy guy has a crush on Thea.  How sweet.  

Oh, Oliver... Oh no.  Machen is going to kill someone, and it's going to be on your head, because you let him go. 

Hey, Laurel, how come you only remember you're a lawyer part of the time?  Like, Oliver holding Machen: "Oh no!  Don't hold a man against his will for a personal vendetta!"  But, you know, running around beating the shit out of people while wearing black leather is just cooooooool.

Still really hoping we find out the Campaign Manager is working for Dark. 

Felicity is shockingly pretty in her "sick in a hospital bed" make-up. 

It's kind of absurd, actually.

Whoa.  That got dark real fast.  I'm not sure I'm comfortable when small children get used as plot devices.  

How come Thea can kick his ass on her own when she's pissed off, but when she's calm she and Oliver can't take him together?  It can't just be that fancy stick he has.  It's not THAT fancy.

Come ON people!  Does NO ONE ever consider just knocking the bad guy out?  Or restraining him with something more resilient than what appears, from the ease of cutting, to be butcher's twine?  THEY ARE VILLAINS, THEY ARE GOING TO TRY TO ESCAPE!  Let's all think about planning ahead next time, shall we?

AhahahahaHAHAHAHAH!  John goes to play make-up cards with his brother, and then he cheats!  Lolz.

I know I don't normally say this, but... DAMMIT, THEA, DON'T KISS HIM!!!  HE'S GONNA TURN OUT TO BE A BAD GUY!

Not looking good for Momma Smoak.

Oooooh... Look at Felicity getting all blood lusty.  Next she's gonna start practicing magic and flaying people, and we'll all enjoy it with horrified glee.