This is how you lose your soul.
Or get ants. Whatever.
Joe, I love you. You remind me of my own Daddy. Only, you know, you've been arrested less times. I mean, I assume.
Ahahahahahaha! Someone on this show has a toddler, and they draw on the little demon for inspiration.
You know, again, a little honesty could help this situation immensely. All Hardass has to do is tell them all what's going on. You KNOW they're gonna help! They're total suckers for this shit! Hell, Barry will probably offer up his powers of his own free will!
"The turtle."
Cisco, the mind boggles as to what you could be referencing.
Why has he never mentioned the Turtle before? Oh, please. Because he's Turtle Ex Machina, the magical tortoise hand that reaches down and plucks your from your impenetrable plot hole.
Oh, hey! Jay and Caitlyn are alone together! Which... means... time for a sad talk? I mean, okay. I was sort of hoping we'd find out if they ever did more than just kiss under the mistletoe, but... ALRIGHT! YOU DO YOU!
OH THANK GOD! He's finally gonna tell Patty. I mean, presumably something is going to happen at the last minute to keep him from telling her, but still... at least he's no longer being a giant dumbass!
I would give any amount of money to have the scene at the art show open with Jay looking awkward and unattractive in an ill-fitting tux.
Alas, some dreams just aren't meant to be.
I shall carry on, somehow.
I think it's an AWESOME idea to bring a date to go crime fighting. If Cisco asked me to go as his crime night date, I would totally say yes.
Show of hands, who is willing to shoot one bad guy and one pseudo good guy in order to be on Team Flash? I know I am.
Awww... Hardass... NO!!!!!!! TURN AWAY FROM THE DARK SIDE OF KEEPING POINTLESS SECRETS!!! TURN AWAY!!!
So, just out of curiosity, HOW are they planning on catching him? I mean, they still can't actually grab the guy. So... what? They're just gonna show up and hope he wets himself with fear and gives up? This is a weird plan.
Okay, and as long as I'm talking about "bizarre shit that happens at the art party," can we discuss the fact that this dude freezes people and slows the Flash, but has minimal effect on a falling chandelier? I mean, sure, it's falling SLOWER, but it's already been well established that Barry can move at a much higher speed than a falling object. Which, in turn, would mean he has a greater kinetic energy. And since they've described this guy's powers as draining kinetic energy, anything that could actually slow Barry that much should completely STOP a chandelier. And don't anyone try the whole "oh, well, maybe he wasn't aiming at the chandelier" nonsense. You see Patty? See how she's frozen? He's clearly hitting the room as a whole. I know next to nothing about physics, and I still know this is ridiculous. Can they PLEASE hire a science adviser for the show? Pretty please?
I mean, it's pretty and all. It just doesn't make any sense.
Right, so, you see how Patty's life was just in danger? We can file that under the heading of "shit that would not keep happening, if she were actually prepared for the situation, instead of floundering around in the dark." STOP TRYING TO PROTECT THE DAMSEL, AND LET YOUR BAD ASS COP GIRLFRIEND HELP YOU. FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Awww... Champagne in beakers. How charming. NOW KISS, DAMNIT.
Sigh.
Not like THAT.
Can the two of you please go work out your chemistry somewhere and come back when you can make me believe you actually wanna bang?
You don't have a good excuse? YOU DON'T HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE? HOW ABOUT YOU TRY THIS:
Sorry, Patty, I didn't actually ditch you. Jay and Caitlyn dragged me out after a chandelier fell on me while I was trying to save you. Oh, yeah, I was trying to tell you earlier, I'm the Flash.
No? You... wanna try standing there like an idiot while a woman you really like tells you she either wants more from you or she's walking? Mkay. You do that then.
You know, I can understand Wally's rage. But I kinda wonder at his insistence on blaming Joe for literally not knowing he was alive. Also, I am ready to move past this part, to the part where he turns into Kid Flash.
Be honest. This is better than drag racing, isn't it?
That's a really weird departure from the Turtle's normal MO. I mean, he takes things. Inanimate objects. And thus far, until the Flash got involved, he didn't hurt anyone in the process. He has all the hallmarks of a compulsive thief, and none of a homicidal villain. Why would he suddenly... Oh. Sorry. I forgot. Turtle Ex Machina.
Oh. My. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahd. This plot line between Caitlyn and Jay has officially reached the epitome of uninteresting. They just jumped the shark, and I do not give a rat's ass. I hope Jay DOES die. Caitlyn used to be an actual character who did useful, interesting things, and now she just walks around pining and dressing in tight clothes. The clothes are fine but the pining is GETTING REAL OLD.
SEEEEEEE? SEEEEEE? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T TELL PEOPLE WHO YOU ARE. THEY END UP WALKING AWAY.
These boots are made for walking.
That's just what they'll do.
See, today, the boots are gonna walk away from you.
WHOA! You stuck that thing up that poor man's NOSE. Not cool, Bra.
Oh, Hi Eobard! I recommend you hide, cause otherwise you're gonna get shot. By like, at least 4 different people.
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