Arrow: The Myth of Parental Mojo

Look, I have kids.  They're charming little fuckers, and I have known them literally since the first moment they drew breath.  We have a bond.  It is deep, and abiding, and yes--I would burn the world down rather than let them be truly hurt.  But I raised them.  I cared for them.  I have tended every scraped knee, I have comforted them after every nightmare.  Oliver just met his son.  Spent, what?  Maybe an hour with him?  I do not buy that Oliver loves his unknown gene carrier more than he loves his sister--who he has protected and cared for throughout her entire life--or Felicity, who brought him back from the darkness that held him once he left the island.

I am a mother.  I know what magic makes up the parental mojo.  And it is NOT your DNA.

Damn, Felicity, can you say that a little louder?  I think the guys at the back of the auditorium didn't here you shout out your secret code name.

HOW DOES HE CHANGE CLOTHES SO FAST?

I mean, leather pants do not come on and off quickly.

I know.

Things that are totally not noticeable when you're a paranoid mayoral candidate driving around in a limo:
(1) Women in black leather standing on brightly lit marquees.
(2) Giant military vehicles that are following you.
(3) People wearing hoods and masks on squealing motorcycles flying LITERALLY RIGHT OVER YOU.

Dude.  Dude.  That guy.  THAT HAT.  Holy balls.  You know what happened?  That guy went to the costume trailer to get a suit and saw that hat and was like "Hey, can I wear this?"  and the Costumer was like "No.  Hive bad guys are classy.  They wear suits." and the guy was like "But this HAT.  This hat is CLASSY."  And the Costumer was like "I said NO and I meant NO.  Knock it off about the fucking hat."  And the guy was like "Fine, geez."  But then he snatched the hat when no one was looking, and that's why he's looking all around right now--he's checking to make sure the Costumer isn't coming to take his dank hat.

 Look at him.  All shifty eyed.

"I think of it as a dry run for your wedding."  If anyone ever says that to me when surrounded by that many fuchsia balloons, I may stab them.
Just a little, though.
Not a lot.

OLLIE!!!!  YOU JUST BOLD FACE LIED TO THEA ABOUT HER NEPHEW!
Bad Ollie.  No cookie.

Captain Lance.  You just pointed out how safe you were, because you go to work surrounded by men with guns.  Then you LEFT the guns and went wandering off ALONE in an ABANDONED BUILDING.  WHYYYYYYYYY???!!!???

Oh noes.  And now you done lost your woman, too.  This is very sad.  Although, I gotta say, good for Momma Smoak.  Don't ever let a man lie to you and say it's for your own good.

Oh, Felicity.  I am so disappointed in you.  Don't tell your mother to let a man hide things from her for her own protection.  That is some big ol' white knight bullshit. 

DAMNIT THEA.  WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH THE WOMEN GIVING SHITTY ADVICE THIS EPISODE?  Should Ollie tell everyone?  No.  Should he tell Felicity?  HELLS YES. 

Not gonna lie.  I like casual Captain Lance.  He's a hottie.

 Srsly.  Check out those guns.

Damnit, why did he put on a tie to go bomb hunting?  It's not like the bomb cares.  Bring back hottie Lance!

Ahem.  I would like everyone to take note.  Captain Lance is a fast learner.  It only takes him ONE EPISODE to learn that you should just tell the truth to the people you love.  I know some main characters who would do well to learn from his example. 

CURTIS, YOU ARE THE MAN!!!!!!!!

Curtis, I love you.

Damien Dark, you are an evil fucker.   You killed that boy's Momma, didn't you?  Oh, you are in SOOOOOO much trouble.

Damien has entered...

The Danger Zone.