Flash: Drinking Game, Anyone?

Wow, Hardass is just full of popular answers right now.
Open the breach?  We can't.
Go back home? We can't.
Do something?  Anything?  We can't.
Poor Hardass.  It sucks being the messenger.

Oh good.  I'm so glad we're back to keeping arbitrary secrets.  My life just isn't complete if SOME dumbass isn't keeping a secret for NO GOOD REASON.

Seriously?  They have all of Star Labs, and they can't get that girl a real bed to sleep on?  

That's some ol' bullshit.

Because leaving your whole life behind doesn't suck enough.

Holy shit, Caitlin went from sex kitten in a lab coat to Catholic school girl.  I... have feelings about that.
Lemme 'splain.  No, that will take too long.  Lemme sum up:

There are two ways to dress a character.  You can dress them based on who they are, internally to themselves, or you can dress them based on external perceptions/forces.  Felicity is an excellent example of the former.  Her wardrobe is very clearly defined, style wise.  We've seen her in work clothes, and relaxing clothes, and dress clothes, and even mourning clothes, but they all reflect the same aesthetic.  That's because they reflect who she is, internally.  The only time we've seen Felicity looking different is when we have seen her in the past, when she was internally different, and that was reflected externally.

 Dark Felicity has eyeliner that is ON POINT.

Now, let's talk about Caitlin.  Season one Caitlin had a pretty clearly defined style.  She was hot, sure, but it was definitely scientist hot.  She wore boat necks, button downs, and high-necked, color-blocked sweaters.  She wore pencil skirts, but demure ones.  She wore heels, but not CFM shoes.  That, I feel, was a pretty decent reflection of who Caitlin was as a character.  I totally bought it as a style that was reflective of who she was internally.

 See?  Attractive, but demure.

Season two hasn't been like that at all.  First, they introduced a new love interest.  And, lo and behold, Caitlin went sex kitten overnight.  Her hair got bigger.  Her makeup got heavier.  Her skirts got higher and tighter, and her shirts got deep, plunging necklines.  Is there anything wrong with that, as a style?  No, certainly not.  If that had been Caitlin from the beginning I wouldn't be writing this now.  But to suddenly sexify her, because now she's got a new love interest, that's defining her style based on an external thing.  It's not about her, and who she is.

Caitlin the Sex Kitten

And now you've got her all miss-ish, again.  I mean, she's even more conservative than she was at the beginning of season one.  It's weird, too, because it's not an understandable change.  If they were dressing her in black, or having her wear sweat pants or something, that would make sense.  It would be a reflection of her internal state of mourning.  But this random ultra-preppy version of Caitlin just makes me feel like her wardrobe isn't a reflection of who she is supposed to be, but rather just painting her for the eye of the beholder.  And that pisses me off.

Caitlin the Dowd.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled commentary.

No... no... DO NOT POWER DOWN THE GRID.  WHAT THE FUCK, Y'ALL!!???!

Alright boys and girls and in-betweens, I know what some of you are thinking.  Sure, Flash is achieving greater quality all the time, but that's not what we need.  What we really need is something we can rely on.  Something that always brings us a merry Tuesday, no matter what.  Well, have I got news for you.  It has come to me, in a blinding revelation, the answer to your fervent cry.
The Flash Drinking Game.

Rules to the Flash Drinking Game may be added at any time, but we're going to start with this one:

1) When Cisco makes a relevant movie reference, take a drink.

 "We're gonna need a bigger Flash."

Improvements?  Improvements for the Diggle Helmet?  I am intrigued.

All I wanna know is, how does something THAT FUCKING BIG sneak around a city undetected?

AHAHAHAH!!! I hereby dub this the best moment of the episode:

 "He's fast, John.  Get over it."  

"Never."

Oh Cisco.  YOU HAVE FAILED THIS ARBITRARY SECRET.

RULE NUMBER TWO FOR THE FLASH DRINKING GAME:
2) Take a drink anytime you or anyone watching with you feels compelled to say the following phrase:  Saw that coming.

SAW THAT COMING.

Ummm... I see no reason why Barry's speed should not also translate to an ability to swim at high speeds.  I mean, maybe he can't hold his breath as long, but he should still be able to swim pretty damn fast.

DAMN.  First you make an arbitrary secret for no reason, then you BREAK it for no reason.  WTF. guys?  That's like coming up with a super cool secret handshake and then just showing it to EVERYONE.

Never mind.  I take it back.  It's fine.

Holy shit, y'all, I'm actually a little teary, here.  Grant Gustin officially receives the weeping Jessica award.  Kudos, sir.

I don't know about anyone else, but I find Hardass and his daughter SO HEARTWARMING.  I love them.  I want them never to leave.  Ever.  Someone break their legs so they can't leave.

RULE NUMBER THREE:
3) Every time Hardass gives Cisco shit, take a drink.

"You know Quint dies, right?"

Has it occurred to anyone that Barry is still putting out his normal signal?  Which means, even if they HAVE mimicked him perfectly, Sharkzilla still has two targets to choose between, right?  So, what I'm saying is, Barry should really get the fuck away from the water.

No.  NO.  That is bullshit.  EVEN FOR COMIC BOOKS, THAT IS BULLSHIT.  Barry can run, at the very least, 837 miles an hour.  EIGHT HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN MILES AN HOUR.  The fastest known aquatic animal is the black marlin, which clocks in at around 80 mph.  The fastest known shark is the mako shark, which tops out around 60 mph.  Your saying this random shark hybrid with no evidence of the speed force can swim over ten times faster than the fastest known aquatic animal, and almost fourteen times faster than the fastest shark?  I CALL TOTAL BULLSHIT.

Those are pretty visuals, though.  I'll give 'em that.

Okay, I take it back.  THIS is the best moment of the episode.

 "Yeah, okay, that's kinda freaky." 

"Yeah.  See?  I told ya."

Oh, Barry.  You had such a nice moment early.  Why you gotta sail back to the pure cheese?

SAW THAT COMING!!!!

Everyone drink!