Legends of Tomorrow: A Minor Soviet Meltdown

Okay, Option 1: Carter will be coming back soon, in a different incarnation.  Option 2: All the people who screened the pilot hated him as much as I did, and now he's NEVER COMING BACK. 

 Not looking good for Khufu.

Dude, faux Cisco is creeping me out.  Like, for serious.  Creeping.  Me. Out.

Oh, Professor.  You know, saying "never" like that is some pretty grandiose mother-fucking hubris for a man who hasn't even taken that many punches in his life.  Let's not promise to withstand all manner of terrible torture when we don't really know what we're talking about, mkay?

I have been BETRAYED.  There is no way in hell an entire fistfight happens without some towels falling off.  WHERE ARE MY NAKED HINEYS?

 I am owed towel slippage.

Oh Jesus-fucking-Christ.  Is Ray trying to make friends with the Russian mob?  Oh, please tell me he is.

I just laughed for like sixty seconds straight.  And when I say "laughed"  I mean, "made a bizarre cackling noise that erupted uncontrollably."

THIS ISN'T HIS FIRST PRISON BREAK

Has anyone else noticed that every single time they do ANYTHING in the past, it keeps making the projections of the future worse?  ANYONE?  BULLER?  Look, kiddos, I think it might be time to pack up your nifty hero suits and GO THE FUCK HOME.  Unless you can stop fucking up so egregiously.

I am so pleased that Mick let Ray get the shit beaten out of him.  I mean, if Ray is going to waltz through Soviet Prison like it's Scout camp, he DEFINITELY needs a wake-up call.

Okay, look... man takes that much of a beating, man is gonna have some body bruising.  I appreciate the offering of fine, fine beefcake, but where are the bruises?  The contusions?  The evidence that--mere hours ago--he was lying out in the year, unconscious?  DID THE MAKE-UP TEAM FORGET?  Did the sight of his well toned abs drive all thought of verisimilitude from their minds?

 I don't see any bruises.  Do you see any bruises?
Better check again, just to be sure.

Free to criticize our government, vote in fair elections, and love whom we choose... We're defining all those things rather loosely there, aren't we Stein?

Lady, you balls-ass crazy.  That is a terrible idea.  Rule #1: Do not experiment on your self.

Rule #2, of course, is never get involved in a land war in Asia.

JUST FUCKING SHOOT HIM.  Will he heal?  Yes.  But will it slow him down?  YES.  SO TAKE THE SHOT.
Oh.  I will accept blowing him up as an acceptable substitute. 

More drinking, less feeling is my new favorite motto.

FUCK YEAH... THE FUTURE!!!!!

Hmmmm... I think that's the Arrow that Barry saw when traveling in the vortex between Earth 1 and 2.  OH THE EXCITEMENT!!!!