DC TV Musical Crossover EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!

So, some of you may recall a few weeks ago when I got all aflutter because Stephen Amell and John Barrowman had performed Music of the Night together at the Heroes and Villains Con and there was a video.

Posted by Stephen Amell on Saturday, 23 January 2016

Yes, this one.

Really, that was just the beginning of me spending an awful lot of time on what you're about to read.

Within the various DC TV shows--Arrow, Flash, and Supergirl--there are a number of actors who can actually sing.  Some of them are even Broadway stars.  So, being the kind of woman who doesn't really see the point in depriving the world of something so pure and right, I began to fantasize about what a musical cross over episode would be.  Buffy already did the singing and dancing demon.  Grey's Anatomy did the "all of this is a dream by one of the central characters, and yet at the same time it's actually happening" angle.  I had to come up with something new.  A different--yet equally corny--way to shoe horn a musical episode in.

Ready?

Roll credits for Legends of Tomorrow.

We open on the Legends crashing in the ship.  They're screaming about being knocked out of the time vortex, and lights are flashing, and Gideon actually sounds a little flustered.  They crash hard, and we have a slow pan of the team as they shake off the effects.  

SNART:  Well, we've had worse.

HUNTER:  You don't understand, Chronos hit us with a gravity bomb!

SNART: So?

HUNTER:  unbuckling hastily and running over to the console  So... gravity bombs affect the curvature of space, and if they explode within the time vortex they can open portals to other universes.

JACKSON: In English..?

STEIN: In English, I believe the good Captain is saying that we may have been blown through a wormhole between worlds.

HUNTER: Yes.  That's exactly what I'm saying.  Gideon, where are we?

GIDEON:  I have no known data for our location, Captain.

RAY:  Well, that doesn't sound good.

Mick heads for the hatch, and Sara reaches out to grab his arm.

SARA:  Where do you think you're going?

MICK:  No use sitting around here.  I say we find out the old fashioned way.

The whole team slowly looks at each other, and then follows him.

Cut to exterior.

KENDRA:  Wait, this is Central City, 2016... or at least... close enough...  

RAY:  But why does everything look so sparkly?  It's like the whole place is covered in glitter.

SARA: looking horrified as music swells in the background  And why are they... singing?

***

It unfolds that our intrepid heroes have crash-landed in an alternate universe, but not just any alternate universe.  Oh no.  This is a reality where life is a song.  Literally.

IT'S THE MUSICAL-VERSE!!!! 

Since our heroes crash landed in a time ship, natural they draw the attention of all of earth's defenders, at least the one's who are licensed to appear on this show.  In very short order we're treated to the arrival of Green Arrow, Flash, and Supergirl.

 League Assemble!  And prepare for singing.

In this reality, the Justice League is already well on it's way to being formed.  Rip--who is aware of the Justice League from his historical studies--is confused by such an early team-up, but the three newcomers explain it away in our very first musical number:  You Can't Sing Harmony Alone.

Oddly enough, it is a song comprised of three solos and absolutely no harmony.

I vacationed five years on an island in hell
I returned to defend the home I love well
I'm everything that a good hero should be
But alone even I cannot sing harmony

I'm fast, like the wind, like a sound, like the light
I'm charming and funny and hell in a fight
But no matter how fast or how far I may roam
I can't harmonize when I'm singing alone

I can fly and deflect any bullet that shoots
And I fight criminals in my red, high-heeled boots
But harmony needs all of our voices to blend
And every good singer needs a sing-a-long friend

After their big number the three Leaguers decide that they need to speak further with the Legends team, and determine what--if any--threat they pose to this happy musical universe.  They round them up and take them over to the Hall of Justice, where we find Felicity, Cisco, and Winn all working at a massive data station.

 Like this, only in matching spandex.

The Legends greet those they know (Kendra, in particular, is excited to see Cisco) but the three League members give them weird looks and hustle them back into the meeting room.  Clearly the deep relationships in this universe have never developed, because the Leaguers have each other to bond with, and they mostly ignore the sidekicks.  After the others leave, Cisco, Felicity, and Winn sing a song of haunting beauty with three part harmony in a round:  Called to Love a Hero.

I was called to love a hero
Fate tugged on my heart
But now that destined romance
Is breaking me apart
For my hero doesn't see me
And I languish here alone
I cannot leave, and so I stay
Always on my own

Cut from the Hall of Justice to the downtown precinct.  Joe West is a Detective in this universe as well, but he's unused to fighting metas since the League formed so early.  He's unprepared to have Alex Danvers walk in and demand his help in tracking down two villains that are causing all manner of trouble.  When he asks who she is, if she's some kind of government agent or something, she laughs wryly.

ALEX:  I collect bounty on every head I bring in, dead or alive.

JOE:  You're a bounty hunter?  Sorry, Miss Danvers, but I don't turn men in for bounty.

ALEX:  Oh no?  Wait til they're tearing your city apart, then we'll see if you want my help.

JOE:  Maybe you haven't heard, the League is in town.

ALEX:  Oh, I've heard.  But they're not gonna help you with these two.  The guys I'm after are human.

Human, you say?

Joe stares at her as she walks out.  The next number cuts between shots of Alex walking down the street, and Joe wandering around the precinct, as they sing the power rock duet: Standing in Your Shadow.  Alex is addressing Kara, and Joe is singing to Barry, the children who came into their lives and then left them behind in the shadows while they moved on into the sun.

You've grown so tall from the love I gave
You fight for the people, you've got worlds to save
But how could I know, when you started to grow
That one day I'd be left in your shadow?

Cue the guitar solo.

The song ends and we cut to the tunnels beneath the city.  Malcolm Merlin is there, dressed in his guise as the Black Archer, and he has what we recognize as the Earthquake device from Season One of Arrow.

Yaaaaaassss...

MALCOLM:  Now, this is a fine piece of machinery.  I had almost despaired of ever managing to get it running, but then I found you.  

camera pans wide, and we see a bruised and bloodied Harrison Wells lying inside the tunnel.

MALCOLM: You really are a genius, you know that?

WELLS:  If I'm such a genius, why won't you listen to me?  It won't work.

MALCOLM:  Of course it will work!

WELLS:  I don't mean the machine.  I mean your plan.  Bringing down the Hall of Justice is not going to kill the League. You're just going to make them mad.

MALCOLM:  Ah, but there's where I know something you don't, my reluctant conspirator.

WELLS: spits out a mouthful of blood  Oh yeah?  What's that?

MALCOLM:  I don't want them dead.  he looks down at his hand, and we see the ring of Ra's al Ghul on his finger.  You know what they say when you can't beat them.

WELLS: looks at Malcolm in horror.  You crazy bastard.  You want to join them.

 Oh noes.

Cut to black.

This is getting long, isn't it?  Let's speed things up a bit.

Malcolm turns on the earthquake machine, then heads for the Hall of Justice, claiming he has come to help, that he wants to prove his worth to the League.

So majestic.

The Leaguers don't know him, and are content to allow this mysterious Ra's to help them find the machine that is destroying their city.  The Legends, however, are highly skeptical of Malcolm Merlin in any universe, even after he sings his showstopping razzle-dazzle number : Baritones Never Lie.

 It goes something like this.

Still, they follow him to the tunnels, and as they run through the city Alex catches sight of them.  She calls Joe, telling him if he wants to do some good and not just leave it in the hands of the Supers, now's the time.  She and Joe trail the rest of the gang, and they all manage to make it through the tunnels to where the earthquake machine is hiding.

A particularly vicious pulse shakes the foundations of the Hall of Justice, and Felicity, Winn, and Cisco cry out in terror.  Supergirl hears them from across the city, and abandons the others to fly back and rescue the techs.  She gets there just in time to keep them from being crushed by falling debris, and she and Winn share a tender moment.

 Only more tongue.

They reprise You Can't Sing Harmony Alone, and Cisco and Felicity take hope that if Supergirl could notice Winn, maybe someday their Heroes will notice them.

Alex arrives, and helps them all to safety.  When she saw Kara flying off, she rushed to help her sister rather than chasing down a bounty.  The two have a tearful reconciliation on the steps of the Hall of Justice.

Meanwhile, in the tunnels, Malcolm has been setting up Wells, explaining that Harrison is the evil genius who's trying to destroy the city.  Sara is SUPER skeptical, and when Oliver tries to fire an arrow and kill Wells, Sara deflects it.  There's a giant, epic battle in the tunnel between the Legends and the Leaguers, and in the midst of it Barry almost gets shot by a random arrow, but Joe shoves him out of the way.

Watch it, Oliver!

Barry grins up at Joe.

BARRY:  Thanks, Dad.

Then he rushes off to keep fighting, and Joe watches him work with a smile on his face, understanding that Barry has only grown big enough to cast a shadow because Joe helped him to grow, and that this is what parents are supposed to do.

Harrison finally manages to get someone to listen to him.

WELLS:  It's Malcolm, he's setting you up!

RAY:  Yeah, we got that.  Thanks.  Think you could turn the machine off?

WELLS:  Not without my lab, the mechanism is too delicate, I need microscopic control.

RAY:  Well, why didn't you say so?

Ray shrinks down and flies in to shut down the machine, per Harrison's guidance.  Once Wells helps stop the machine, everyone in the League basically realizes that he wasn't the bad guy.  They try to snag Malcolm, but he disappears in the tunnels, with a mocking little ditty: Villains Always Come Back.

Kiss, kiss.

Harrison thanks them, and manages to figure out a way to get them back to their own universe. Everyone shakes hands all around, and they're about to board the ship, when...

BARRY:  Oh, come on.  At least stay for the epic finale number.

RIP:  skeptical What epic finale number?

GIDEON:  This one, sir.

Everyone sings the finale: Everyone Claps for a Kick-line.

Scene.