Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Flash: Two is Better than One.

Come, brothers and sisters, let us gather for this most momentous event, in which EVERY. SINGLE. GEL on the set of Flash must be changed, for they are... ON EARTH TWO!

That's right, Hardass.  Gentlemen never come alone.
(You didn't really think I was gonna pass that joke up, did you?)

My goodness, Hardass.  That's a sizeable gun you've got there. 

Up is down, black is white, and do NOT let yourself get sucked in emotionally.  Because having a love interest on another earth leads to MIND NUMBINGLY BORING THINGS.

Okay, yeah, yeah, different Arrow, different Flash, same Supergirl, Grod... was that INDIANA JONES?
My bad.  Indiana Allen.

"Opening my third eye" sounds like Cisco's euphemism for peeing on himself a little.

Earth Two is so much cooler than Earth Prime.  I feel cheated.  Where's my city-wide mono-rail?

Mayor Snart?  OMG.  I love Earth Two.

Oh, Holy Balls.  Please don't ever go back to Earth Prime.

Oh Barry, do not listen to Cisco.  This is a TERRIBLE plan.  You have no way to know what is different here.  HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM SUPERGIRL?  Looking like a person is not enough to actually let you impersonate them.

I take it back.  This was an amazing plan.  
Please don't ever go back to Earth Prime.

I LOVE THIS PLANET!!! RONNIE'S ALIVE, CAITLYN'S WEARING LEATHER, AND THEY'RE BOTH BAD GUYS!!!!

All I can say is, the set dressers must have had a bitch of a time, changing the furniture around all week.

Oh... I thought it was gonna be Iris that made things hard, but it's going to be his mom.  I am no longer happy with this earth.  This is going to be very sad.

Also, WTF is this?  

Damnit, Flash.  I do not watch this show so that I can cry. 

I will pay the writers of this show cold, hard cash if Jitters is a piano bar and Cisco is about to walk out and perform.  Real, actual dollar bills.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... He's a broadway star.  Of COURSE he can sing.  Now, STF up and bring out Cisco.

So damn dapper it hurts.

Side note:  I am adoring how art deco Earth Two is.  It's such a lovely homage to the Golden Age of Comics.

Jesus Christ.  Barry is the worst undercover operative ever.  He KNOWS this isn't his Earth.  He KNOWS things will be different.  Leading questions are not that hard.  But apparently they are beyond his capability.

Yeah, Jay.  Woman up.  Stop whining about how you'd like it to be in your perfect world, and deal with reality.  Take the drug and go stop the bad guy, or GTFO stop pretending you're a hero.

HOLD UP.  Lemme see if I got this straight... You have ignored this guy--barring a half-assed romantic plot line that was so lame even the other character on the show were heckling it--all season, and now you want me to give a shit that the speed drug isn't safe for him?  Lemme see if I can come up with an appropriate response to that:


HEY!  You know what?  Now would be an awesome time for Wally to get Flash Powers.  Because the city could seriously use Kid Flash right about now.

GOD DAMNIT, FLASH.  I HAD WINE TONIGHT BECAUSE I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO NEED CONTROL OVER MY EMOTIONS.  YOU BETTER KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF WITH THIS SHIT THAT IS MAKING ME CRY.

Look, I'm sure everyone's expecting me to shriek with joy at the big reveal.  But first of all, that was totally predictable.  Second, I'm still pissed he wasn't a lounge singer.

I *am* enjoying the leather, though.

Cisco on Cisco banter is everything I could ever have dreamed it might possibly be.  I am no longer pissed he's not a lounge singer.

Now, isn't that nice?  The now have an Earth Two Caitlyn with a motive for revenge.  But, you know, way cooler and more effective that the one on Earth Prime.

Is that John Diggle?

Y'all, that was a real good closing line.  But what kind of glass cage can hold a speedster that can phase through solid matter?

Dun, dun, duuuuuhhn... Cliffhanger.

6 comments:

  1. I want John Diggle to be Green Lantern. Something awful happens, and he assumes a new identity with the last name Stewart.

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    1. Totally plausible. I mean, within the confines of plausibility for this show. Which are VERY broad.

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  2. I found it interesting how this episode revealed some of how the rules are different on earth 2. earth 1 tends towards traditional four-color morality; arrow stopped killing people, flash has always been about saving people and not killing and being goofy, in Legends every death is a tragedy, etc..

    the only earth 1 hero we've met is a) lower powered b) a drug addict c) thoroughly defeated by Zoom. Zoom apparently just kills people in central city more or less constantly, and nobody has been able to do anything about it. much more watchmen-style dark-n-gritty. four-color visual design, (and yes the design is amazing) but life is cheap and heroes are horribly flawed.

    Also this episode eliminated a couple of who-is-zoom theories real good. definitely not daddy west. definitely not barry. probably not henry allen (though maybe? if he's a real good liar...) Now my favorite theory is either this universe's eobard thawne (plausible and fits with comic lore but kind of boring as a reveal) or this universe's Eddie Thawne.

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  3. Brown, I'm doubting Diggle is Green Lantern. While I, too, noticed that weird phone and thought it was dumb, what I loved about it were the labels next to the speed dial buttons:
    -Dad
    -Mom & Dad
    -Eddie
    -Bruce
    -Hal
    -Diana

    Also, changing the gels? Pfffft, they've got digital color management for that now!
    Changing gels is for us poor schmucks who still do this shit live.

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    1. I loved the buttons, too, but it literally took me until just this minute to realize what the last three were. Oh my god. I can't believe I missed that.

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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