Flash 2x03

Oh my. A full on aerial Iris rescue.  Why are they not making out yet? 

No. NO!  Don't go WRITE your stupid STORY!!!!!  KISS!!!!!!!

OMG.  Barry is a dumbass.  You don't have to speed through the wormhole, you have to vibrate and match your frequency to the alternate world.  Damn, man, don't you know ANYTHING about comic book science?

No.  NO BARRY.  BAD BARRY.  STOP FLIRTING WITH THE COP AND GO MAKE OUT WITH IRIS.  THE PRETTY COP IS FOR CISCO!!!!

NO, NO, NO!!! NO EVIL VILLAINS FOR CISCO!!!  YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW!  BAD WRITERS!  BAD, BAD WRITERS!

"Lenny would never work with him.  He's a bad guy."  Best line in this show to date.

I like the criminal with a code angle.  He's so delightfully deviant.

Could someone please tell me DAFUQ is up with all this damn color blocking?  I mean, seriously?  I was letting it go in the eight million body con dresses, but now Barry's jacket?  Y'ALL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BEAT THE TREND TO DEATH!

Omg.  Caitlyn, those are sex burgers.  Do not try to pretend that is lunch.  It is an offer of sex, and WE ALL KNOW IT. 

Also, what part of math calculations require Jay to unbutton his shirt and get sweaty?  Not that I disapprove.  Just curious.

Caitlyn's hair and makeup this season are poorly done.  It's like she turned into a messy vamp while mourning her husband.  It's weird.  I don't approve.

Yes.  Please help put together the speed cannon.  I'm sure that's what he wants you to do with your surgeon's hands.  RIIIIIIGHT.  Better go change into a ridiculously flattering pair of coveralls.

New plan.  Barry gives up women all together and hooks up with Captain Cold instead.  Cause those are some intense eye looks going on in the prison.  Just saying.

No, no, no.  NO!  Your hair is lovely and you're super bubbly, but if Barry is giving up on Iris it is going to be so he can have sweet, sweet man love with Captain COLD!  Stop making googly eyes at him, lady cop!

NO CISCO, BAAAAAD CISCO!  NO COOKIE FOR YOU!

How did she help build a rift stabilizer while wearing a super tight pencil skirt?

"Time for me to go back home." 
"Right now?  I mean, we haven't even had celebratory sex yet!"
"Okay, but once we take care of "zoom" I'm going home." 
"That's fair.  Just to be clear, "zoom" is a euphemism for us having really hot sex right?"
"Right."
"Okay.  That's fair."

Oh yeah.  Great call.  Just leave a stabilized mother fucking portal to another world just LYING AROUND UNGUARDED.  WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE!?  DO YOU NOT EVER READ BOOKS?  LIKE, EVER?

P.S.  Hithertofore I shall refer to all my illnesses as wellness hiatuses