Supergirl 1x02

Okay, so, before I get into this episode...

I think I've pinpointed my beef with this show.

Arrow wasn't an origin story.  They went into it with the premise that Oliver had already become whatever it was he needed to be that season.  Over the course of the first season we came to hear the back story of HOW he became that way, but they weren't trying to power through a whole fucking season's worth of emotions in one episode.  The acting was terrible (so was the writing, I guess) but the premise of the plot arc was solid.

Flash chose a different route, but again, they came in with characters who already had a solid foundation.  Barry was already trying to clear his dad.  The Star Labs group was pre-formed.  He already knew Oliver, so he'd probably already considered the whole "would I or wouldn't I" aspect of being a hero. 

CBS completely fucked it up when they came to Supergirl.  They are RACING to get through a certain amount of emotional development, and it's killing them.  Episode 1 should have been establishing who she is, and then at the end she saves the plane.  Episode 2 should have been her fight with her sister, the emotional fallout she felt from that, and revealing herself to Jeremy Jordan.  Basically, the pilot could have been half of a season.  It could have been a WHOLE season, if they'd added more interesting things in there.

Arrow and Flash (and Daredevil, for that matter) weren't in a hurry to get to the character everyone recognizes.  They were willing to take the chance and go slow to give people a character worth watching.

Supergirl is too afraid they're gonna lose the fans if they don't head straight for the red spandex.  And they completely, totally, 100% fucked themselves.

Okay, on to the episode:

So, what I'm learning here is that she has super strength, but she's also a super dumbass.  Like, somehow in her entire life she hasn't learned that pushing works better than pulling?  And, OMG.  Unless she melted that fucking ship with her heat vision then there's no way she ripped it apart.  She'd just pull it out of the water first.

Oh look.  I found the bad guy.  I wonder if she'll bang him before she figures out he's only in it for the power?

God damnit, Jimmy.  Let the girl take her knocks like she owns a pair of panties.  You can reassure her later.  With sex.

Sorry.  I love Callista Flockheart.  She's like a female J Jonah Jameson.  It's awesome.

I don't know what SHE sees out the window, but I see two people who better start banging soon.

Hey, Supergirl is DC, and Blade is Marvel.  What are the reapers from Blade doing in this episode?

Ummm... why does she have the family crest on her PJs?  Isn't that a little bit of overkill?

What do you know about it's species?  Oh, not much?  Maybe you should just call MARVEL AND ASK THEM ABOUT THE REAPERS!

"And last week I kicked Vartoxxes butt"  I mean, you know, after I almost gave up cause my pretty eye lasers weren't working fast enough.

Yeah, I don't blame her sister.  I want to punch her, too

To be clear, I am rooting for Supergirl to get her ass kicked.  If you're fighting supes you need to learn to fight.  Period.

Oh, did the whiney little girl get mad cause someone could beat her?  Perhaps the whiney little girl should see the value of the lesson instead.

Gonna say it again.  Love Callista Flockheart.

Oh, how cute.  The boys wanna fight over her.  I hope she bangs the bad guy instead.

Oh Jesus.  These writers.  These writers and their clunky, expository sentences.  I am going to stab someone.

(a) do they not have fucking Jobs?  Like, I get that Olsen is a photographer, and is probably supposed to be out of the office anyway, and I get that Jeremy Jordan is... uh... I don't know.  Maybe a tech guy, and can work remotely?  But how does an ASSISTANT have time to just be out of the office like that?

(b) It would take more than someone rescuing a fucking snake out of a tree to make me forget about an ECOLOGICAL DISASTER.  That bitch better figure out a way to clean up the bay.

I really wish they'd stop just calling him "her cousin."  I've said this before, but it gives me a total Lord Voldemort vibe.  Is there a licensing issue or something?  I mean, they seriously go out of their way to never say Superman.  So far I count five different euphemisms for Superman.

I don't like this conversation.  Alex was RIGHT.  Supergirl is going to go up against a host of aliens with powers, and she can't just rely on them to win every time.  She really needs to learn to actually fight and take care of herself.  I don't want it to turn into a whole weepy "please, just trust me" moment.  STOP BEING SUCH A GODDAMN STEREOTYPE OF A GIRL!

Now, see, if I were Kara, I would fly into Callista's bedroom at night, wake her up, tell her to stop being such a raging bitch, further tell her that I had some falling out with my cousin, so trying to get to me through him is a bad idea, and then say that I hated extortion in any form.  Someone who wanted an interview with me would earn it by doing good things.  Otherwise, she could go hang.  Because real superheros know never to give up the high ground.

MOTHER FUCKER WITH THE TERRIBLE EXPOSITORY SENTENCES!!!  "Given the Helgrim's superior sense of smell, he should sense the DDT in the air by now..."  JESUS CHRIST.  HOW DO THEY GET THESE JOBS? 

Also, how do I get that job.  Because I am 100% convinced that I can do better than this, and if that's true then I see no reason I shouldn't get paid money to fix their fuck ups.

Why da fuq does an S stand for El Mayara?  There isn't even a fucking S in there!  Someday, someone is gonna have to explain how the house of El with their fucking El Mayara ended up making a crest that looks EXACTLY like an Arabic S. 

Hah!  That phone call on the balcony.  I'm gonna start calling perfect interruptions like that "Deus Ex Cock Block."

Flying with your eyes closed seems like a great way to hit a building.  Just saying.

Astra's all like "oh you humans are so fragile"  but the only reason she's NOT is because of our sun.  On Krypton they're just as fragile as we are.  What the fuck?  Did she forget?

I get that she magically hears all the people who talk to her because of her powers, but how is she managing to tap into their radio system so she can talk back without at least an earbud or something?

They're doing such a shitty job of making SG a sympathetic or charismatic character.  I can totally get behind rooting for Alex.  But SG doesn't move me AT ALL.  I like her LEAST out of all the characters, and I am including her evil aunt and Special Officer Stick Up His Butt in that assessment.

Alex.  How did you build that place if the door will only open for Kara?

Way to save on scenic budget, guys.  Bad guys should always work in low lighting.

You know, dumbass, if you had flown her somewhere that you could be backlit it would have done wonders for helping to hide your face.  I mean, props on stealing the car, but if you're gonna do a thing, do it RIGHT.